休止符

她，是我中学生涯里的一位影响着我的人物。
她，令我在别人还在享受着单纯的中学生涯是九了解到社会的现实。
在这一点上，她身体力行，活生生就是个样板。
她是第一个让我见识到如何运用说话的方式去影响这一大群人跟着你的套路走。
在毕业很多年后，猛然发现从前的自己也是被洗脑洗得干干净净的其中一个。
虽然如此，却还是打从心里真心的仰慕她的能力。
她为乐团奉献了她心力，而她，也享受到了成功的果实。
她为了不让我们再经验上落后与对手，两次为乐团争取到了到欧洲表演的机会。
她为了要把乐团推向另一个高峰，为我们争取到了最顶尖的教练。
乐团如今由此成就，除了队员们用金钱堆积起来的原因之外，她功不可没。
今天，她即将荣休，结束长达几十年的教学生涯。
而她教学生涯最辉煌的一页，就是把铜乐队推上一个高峰。
百感交集。
这几年在外头，乐队早已淡出了我的生活。
如今。她即将离开。
仿佛，我少年时期视为一切，很爱很爱的乐队，也即将永远的离开我的生活。
而我却不想去回忆那里头包含的太多太多伤害，那些至今仍然影响着我性格，行事作风的伤害。

Sarawakian

What first come in your mind when you hear people mention about "Sarawakian" ?
I bet most of those from peninsular Malaysia will say Sarawakians are "shy,do not talk much,less able to fight for what they want,less efficient in completing tasks, less ability to survive/work under stress and competitions".

When you listen to the radio station, they tends to give the listeners an impression that Sarawak is a place covered with jungle.The insects and monkey,orang utan intimation are not fun! Sadly, some of the people from Peninsular are never been to Sarawak and they still think that foreign land at the other side of South East China see is a naive land.

I have to say that due to corruptions, it is true that Sarawak is less developed as compared to Peninsular,regardless to the infrastructure,economy,exposure to latest information.There`s still a very long way to reach the same level as peninsular Malaysia.

I feel unfair and sad when listening to people`s impression on my homeland. Sometimes I will even blame myself for the family education that I`ve received,but realized that I can`t blame to my family and the environment that I`ve grown up.The elders are born and raised in the way of living for few generations, of cause they will pass to us what they think is the best. But after 5 years in Penang , I can see how my friends here different from my friends in my home town. For instance is the way they solve a problem. Instead of panic like some Sarawakians do,their first respond is always to find a solution to settle the difficulties in the shortest time.

I was being commented (by no offend) by the cbcorp hr manager who thinks that I am like the Sarawakians he met before.Shy,quiet,does not talk much,does not know to bring out the good side of myself and he is worrying about me. I was very hurt,not only about the weakness in myself but also his impression on Sarawakians. I was just a fresh graduate who has high passionate to start my career in a laboratory, what I know since my first day of school was,studies hard and scores with a flying color can guarantee a bright future.The education that I`ve received was emphasize on exams,like scoring high marks determines all. I was struggling to achieve this throughout the years.That is another long story. My uncle said I am not good in communicating, I was trying over the years but those bastards from brass band have stepped my confidence down and until today,I am still working hard to build up the self confidence. I was so scared that people will ignore me for not doing good,but when people do,I do not know how to handle the situation.


Working in another city also makes me to always force myself to perform the best.People tend to compare we,the Sarawakians and their own people on the job efficiency and how competitive we are. I did not think this is a bad thing, the first positive thing about this is I will always work to improving myself. I don`t know how long I can sustain. I am very satisfied with current job and company,but don`t know why,I always feel the "unsafe" deep in my heart. I always thinking of taking leave and travel to somewhere like Cameron Highlands or some islands.I know I need a break,I have to leave my work for a few days but I have no idea when is the best timing to take leave.

Phew.Being a Sarawakian.

I hate B******c*rp !

Went to a seminar today.
Was actually helped up in this exhibition on the first day of the seminar and feel it`s worth to go so I ask my friends to join me today.
The exhibition was a very small one but I feel like their booth presentation is very informative except that ($*&# B******c*rp.
I`m not sure if it`s an appropriate thing to mention that my friend is working there.But the way that the cb malay respond to us makes me feel very insulted.
He said "Oh, so I can see the next question will be ask for a job in the company"
Feel humiliated.
I did not mean to try to build relation in order to get the job as I will never work in a cheater organization. Even if he begs me to work under his organization I would also reject without any hesitation.
In addition,I am very happy with my current job as a scientist.
I should have replied him that I will just directly approach to his HR instead of use my friend`s name to seek for a chance to work in that bulls*it company.But I did not.I was not good in defending myself when being humiliated.
That`s why I was bullied by my fellow band members during my secondary school times.

Sorry to say that.
But I think it`s way too hard to change my opinion on that organization.
From that training programme till the short conversation with that arrogant ignorant a**hole today,seriously it makes me hate that organization so so so much.
Bunch of ignorant arrogant swine who do not know about biotech and science.

NAH!

一组数字

当你赋予一组数字一个寄托，那么对你来说，它就显得特别有意义。
这组数字，从此有了生命，因为开始有人用自己的心情去灌溉它。
你总会在车来车往中，又或者，任何有数字的地方去寻找那组数字。
曾经，看到那一组数字兴奋的感觉，
但伴随而来的是，更多的失落。
就好比满怀喜悦的去拆开一份礼物，可打开来后才知道，原来只不过是个空盒子。

时间的流逝会改变人们的际遇。
而那一组曾经代表思念与回忆的数字，
原来，在经过了好多好多年后，
对你而言，它就只是一排看来熟悉的数字，除此之外，别无他意。

每一天经过那个挂着一堆曾经很熟悉的数字的车子，也无动于衷。
就连一点点地悸动的感觉也没有。
只有当在报纸上看见那组数字登上万字二奖宝座，
才会在那里捶心肝。。怎么会没想到要去买这号码？

曾经以为的最好，原来就只是这样子。
就只是这样。


我好像又失去了些什么了。

你们。不配

谈外表，我输人一等。
谈能力，我输人一等。
谈交际，对不起，我鞭长莫及。

要或得精彩漂亮惹人怜爱，还真不容易。
好吧。我认了。

不过，若干年后，
我要你们看到你们的不配。

死了没有

闲来无事，总会不经意的去看看那些以前欺负过我的人的profile。
不为什么。
只是想看看他们死了没有 xD

Thoughts of a Biotech Graduate

Biotechnology is a very new field that Malaysia is going to develop under the Malaysian Biotechnology Policy 2005 as one of the major economic activities in future.During my student days ( which was not very long ago) , we were so uncertain about our future.Some of us wish to become a researchers/scientists after we finished our undergrad studies but then we all knew that such job opportunity is very very limited. I consider myself as the very lucky one because I got the opportunity to work in a lab,although what I`m doing is not really related to my field of study.

Like I mentioned, we were so uncertain about our future,though we love what we studying and enjoying our lab works.However 5 months after my convocation,most of my batch mates have either got a job or further their studies,I realized that we Biotechnology graduate are the lucky one as compare to other field of studies.
I have batch mates who are working in the lab as a scientists,QA personnel,management,sales person..What a diversity of job scope that we can pursue! Which is very interesting as we can go into the the field that we are interested to.

The pay for a Biotech fresh graduate is very very low as compared to the other fields like engineering,business.I believe that if  we are willing to work smart and enjoy what we`re doing ( like me and most of my friends) , we are on the way to the road of succeed! I can imagine if I chose to go into a specialist course 3 years ago, there`re ready job opportunities with much more better pay as compare to my current salary and my life will me more secure with good title as well. But I might have missed so much to what I am experiencing now.

I`m currently not only enjoying my job but also enjoy to talk with people from different field and listen their stories. Since I have friends who are working in different field I can have a clearer understanding about what`s going on in the society and this have open my mind,further train myself to have point of view from different sides =)

I used to think that my uni`s course is not good enough, for example we were not well trained in presentation skills,lab equipment not enough,course content not enough,being looked down by the big four faculty students...I finally realize I thoughts,all were WRONG after I left the university.It`s a FACT that AIMST management is lousy and like s*it, but then our faculty,Faculty of Applied Science is BRILLIANT! Our beloved dean Prof. Ravi and the lecturers love us like their children.We actually been well trained in presentation skills, strong faundementals  both in theory and practicals which made us better than some of the public universities graduates. This is point the Faculty of Applied Science should receive the compliments as we all found that we are not bad as compare to some other uni.

As a conclusion,I think that Biotechnology is a rapidly growing industry in Malaysia. There are more and more job opportunities coming out there.Our advantage is,we learnt a very wide scope of knowledge during our university time so this had widen the field that we can pursue in.We can "jump" into the other field when  certain field is saturated. That`s why I feel that we the Biotech graduate are very lucky. The only thing that I`m regret is I never pump enough confident in myself when I face despise from some conceited don`t know if they can graduated doctors.I should not hate them but to let them feel shamed on their ignorance.

Some Thoughts about the Lab Coat

I miss those days when I was a Biotechnology student,wearing AIMST lab coat, walked around the lab and busying with my lab works.Although we wore the same coat as MBBS, pharmacy  and faundation students,but for Biotech students,we ONLY wear the lab coats when we are in the LABORATORY.This is because for us, lab coat is the major part of our PPE aka Personal Protective Equipments, that protect us from chemicals and level 1-2 biohazards. Therefore,we DO NOT wear it outside the lab. 

One thing that I could not tolerate during my university time was seeing the students walking around the cafeteria with their lab coat on.Gosh,what are they trying to show?The weather was hot and that was during tea time/ lunch time and they are hanging around with the lab coat on?!Are they trying to bring all those contamination from the lab to the environment?  Can you imagine that while the guy was taking rice,those E.coli,Bacillus sp., Staphylococcus or some fungi that attached on his coat dropped into the rice container at the same time? You might argue that most of the microorganism strains and chemicals that were used in a university lab is non-hazardous so why am I complaint about this ?

From the point of view of a future scientist, self-discipline is an essential for future scientific research works!If  one do not have such awareness from student time, what will happen when they conduct the experiments with higher risks in future? In addition, most of the students in my university are those who are going to expose in the environment that is full of infectious virus which can cause fatal.And yet,they still walk around with the lab coat outside the working places!  Don`t they have the awareness? This phenomenon is not only seen among the students but also the lecturers,professors and even the professionals! Is it really that important to show the identity through the lab coat when one is not at his/her working place? My question is, environmental safety is more important or showing identity through the white coat,that suppose to act as PPE? 

Rethink about it.And for those AIMSTers,do not feel offended as you read this post.As I know this might cause uncomfortable in some of you but I`m just pointing out the fact.I think this phenomenon should be noted and the use of lab coat should only be restricted at the working places.To become a professionals you have to have this kind of discipline because a small detail that we missed can sometimes cause some unsolvable problems.

Anyway.I suddenly feel like want to wear my uni`s lab coat tonight.It`s been a while since I last wore it and I knew won`t have much chance to wear a lab coat with such design.As you know,working in an animal lab  has different design of lab coat that suits our daily works better and their design is totally different from the one I used to wear during my uni time.That`s why I took some pictures for myself on the lab coat =) It will be in a clean plastic bag for a long time until I feel like want to take it out and recall my uni times.Oh,by the way,I miss those time during my final years,when I worked day and night in order to complete my works.I had a wonderful time with my batch mates,seniors and also PCR! 

“是什么让我遇见这样的你”

单看歌词，就令人有种想听听这首歌在唱些什么的冲动。白安的歌声很好，歌词和旋律的意境也很搭。令人有种莫名的感觉。是什么让我遇见这样的你，说到底，就是一个 “缘” 字。缘分，让原本不相干的人们相遇，然后，有了情感上的羁绊。当一方了无牵挂地离开时，那一个在乎对方的，却还在原地，慢慢的。。学习适应遇见对方之前的生活，学习。。不再依赖另一方的好。。。

“若時間注定要讓你離開
   我又該怎麼學會不依賴”  

---《是什么让我遇见这样的你》 白安

美好的一天

我很喜欢今天，因为我终于煮了我最爱的ABC汤。这是我人生中第一次煮这个汤，我不禁在汤的香味中思考着，如果我今天还在美里，我想我应该一辈子都不会亲手煮出这么美味的汤吧。在外头的生活虽然很辛苦，事无大小都得亲自出马，钱财的管理方面更要兢兢业业。。但是，也只有这样，才能成长。这应该是我选择在待在外面生活的其中一个小小原因吧。

午餐过后，读报纸，看看书。。在没有互联网的那几个小时，我又找回了儿时的乐趣。对于大部分的人来水阅读是件很沉闷的事，可是对我来说，这是种乐趣。除了音乐，书本是让我和世界联系的其中一个途径。而我在很小的时候就已经开始在享年受着浩瀚书海所给我的养分。自从上了大学后，我已经越来越少阅读。但是，我希望在往后的日子里，可以重拾从小就培养起来的阅读习惯。


这个新年独自一人在槟城。我的结论是，这样的新年，并没有想象中的糟。因为，我真的很享受一个人的空间。就像现在，在绵绵细雨又有点冷的夜晚，听着Yiruma的钢琴曲，和久违的朋友在fb聊聊天。对我来说，这就是种乐趣。

。

不起眼

今天头脑不停的转呀转的。想了很多很多事情。趣事，往事，回忆，又或者是某个他和她的故事。一直在脑海里构思，要怎么样，才能把一段故事叙述得动听而又不乖离事实的本质。表面上，我看起来很专心的完成手头上的事情，其实，我不停的在推敲适当的用词以及，如和把故事说的吸引人。

一段不算刻骨铭心却充满着疑团的故事，虽不至给你的生活带来多大的影响，却总令人在回忆起时有着小小的遗憾。有多少个我们，为了要保护一段友谊，而牺牲了也许快垂手可得的爱情？而你认为该保护的友谊，最终也将会消失在时间的洪流中。所以不管是友情还是爱情，迟早都会失去。我说的迟早，也就是时间的问题罢了。

又或者，选择为爱放手一搏，今天的我们，会否是一对恋人+朋友？还是 过去的恋人 + 朋友 ？ 还是 朋友？或 朋友都做不成？因为我们害怕那最后一个可能性，所以宁愿沉默。沉默的过后，就造成一个不再联络，一个不想被联络上。

一眨眼，已经到了另一个时空。谜团，还在。但，谜团，依旧没有一个解答。

23

今天早下班，回到家看到桌上那包化妆品就突然有种冲动化化妆。好久好久，将近半年都没化妆了。唉每天工作都得把全身包得只剩眼睛，每天都在老鼠群中把自己搞得回头土脸的尤其是那恼人的头发。。化了妆就很自然的拿出照相机来拍照，不要浪费化妆品嘛。。

个人还蛮满意这次的作品的。我的功力应该有所进步了吧？呵呵。。

-2013年，23岁的我-

归途

现在是早晨，09：11。

独自坐在LCCT的Coffee Bean，为的是要给自己一个安静点的环境。

一夜没睡，好累。

咖啡馆里播着那听了烦死人了的流行曲。

没法。只好拿出笔电，找了我所珍藏的爵士乐。

让自己的世界沉醉在爵士乐轻轻跳跃的音符中。

*****************

刚刚下飞机时，遇见了正要回槟城的朋友。

时间过得真快。

转眼，就到了年尾。

大家都完成了各自的intern，准备回到校园继续学业了。

而我，很快也会回到我所钟爱的城市去工作，

过我想过的生活。

**********************************

圣诞蒙恩，新年快乐！

等一个人。咖啡 --- 藤井树

我接受不到咯

1，我竟然为了那该死biotechcorp的500令吉开心了半个晚上，而这500令吉对身在外头的我根本就是杯水车薪。

2，我怎么一直都在不开心，就为了些不属于我的东西。

3，我始终觉得，由始至终，这坚定的意念自15岁起始终不曾动摇，没有如别人般漂亮的外表就无法拥有爱情。因为外表不够出色别人就会对你不屑一顾。

4，为什么在为了与我无关痛痒的事把自己关起来玩自闭。

5，好久都没好好的读一本书了，感觉文化素养都消失了，下笔不成章啊！

6，在blog 记录看到来自Miri 或 Sarawak的字眼总会打起十三分警觉，深怕回家的那一天又无意间发现我抒发心情的博文被列印出来了。拜托，这个部落格成立的其中一个目的是为了要我让自己抒发郁闷心情的管道。不是摆文上网等着被列印出来的。

7，facebook是我对家人的隐私的最后一道防线。所以我绝对不能容忍这道最后的隐私防线被人冲破。谢谢。

旋转门

我逆著時針到回憶裡頭參觀

一圈圈迴圈出不同的 情緒片段

放任熱淚圍困住心酸

想說成熟 要用多少個領悟交換。

照片分享

摄于槟城升旗山，David Brown`s Restaurant @Strawberry Hill

"予独爱莲之出淤泥而不染，濯清涟而不妖，中通外直，不蔓不枝，香远益清，亭亭净植，可远观不可亵玩焉。"       ----宋。周敦颐 《爱莲说》

差遣我

今早在主日崇拜上又听见了这首感动人心的诗歌 “差遣我”。

“我看见灵魂中的忧伤，孤独中人的心在角落颤抖”

这句歌词给了我很大的震撼。
虽然暂时还没有那种为主去宣教的心志，但是这首诗歌，提醒了我要常常走出去，多多关怀周围的人。把来自上主的爱，带入人群中。

这首歌，也提醒了我打从14岁就开始定下的志愿。
等将来有经济能力了，我要助养那些有需要的小孩。
我要尽我小小的能力，去给他们的生活带来小小的改善。

刚刚无意间在YouTube发现了这个短片，这短片我在半年前的崇拜上看过了。
故事是说五个宣教士进到食人族的部落里向他们宣教不遂，而被部落里的人杀死。
后来，这五个宣教士的妻子，毅然带着她们的孩子回到那个部落里去想部落的人宣教。
故事的结尾，那个部落的人终于接受了耶稣作为他们生命的救主。

传扬来自主耶稣的佳音，是刻不容缓的。
我们不积极，是因为我们没有看见这件事的迫切性。---摘自某福音漫画

毕业了

一晃眼，终于，毕业了。
现在回想起来，还真的不敢相信自己会在吉打州完成自己的大学课程。
中学时代都一直以为自己会去KL读大学。

毕业典礼啊，可是人生大事。
父母亲和婆婆特地从美里飞过来出席我的毕业典礼。
对于这场毕业典礼，我除了感恩还是感恩。
愿将一切荣耀归于上帝！

四年大学生涯就这么结束。
犹记得三年前要开始读大一的时候，我向好友开心的宣告。。

我是真正的大学生了！

没想到，我的大学生涯，就这样，成为一个过去了。

终于，面对离别了。
心里很清楚，会联络的，还是能继续保持联络。
平时并不怎么熟的朋友，在拥抱道别的那一刻，就算是永别了。

这几年来，我不敢说自己有变得多成熟，有多独立。
学生时代的烦恼，也只不过是不开心成绩不好，不如朋友好而被讲。。
但是现在出来社会了，才了解到这一切都是无谓的。
不管你是一等荣誉还是二等荣誉学士，出来社会，都是一样的。
并不会因为你是一等荣誉就会得到更多。我是说工作。

这几个月来在外头的历练，可以说，是胜过四年躲在象牙塔里的经历。
短短几个月，我发觉自己长大了好多。
觉得自己一夜之间，长大了。
现在，我只是个负债累累的社会新鲜人。

这几个月，身边的朋友家人都在问。。
是不是打算在槟城落地生根啊？
这真是个可怕的问题。
落地生根，此事非同小可！
目前当然是希望能在槟城工作，因为本身很喜欢槟城这个地方。
新旧交替，朝气蓬勃，有城市的样貌却也还保留着浓厚的人情味。
但是生根吗。。天啊现在真的不是谈这样的问题的时候。
我总是会想起家乡的父母。
所以，想都不是很敢想。

同窗三年的同学们。这是我们班的最后一张合照了 =(

一直都很想进Dean List，终于能凭着最后一个学期的考试而得到这个award。

当年一起读faundation的同学们。大家都长大了。

终于拿到我的毕业证书了！

Brenna 和 Amanda，室友兼同学。。

这几年来最重要的朋友。

华，谢谢你一直以来的照顾。

毕业典礼那一天，还有人把她错认成我。。哈哈哈。。

我们真的是太像了。

他们盼了这么多年，就是等待这一天。

妈妈说，婆婆看见我上领毕业证书时偷偷拭泪。。

 家庭照

谢谢你们的礼物！这是我生平第一次收花呢！

谢谢你们的到来！

无可取代

今早，破天荒的，我打包了我最不喜欢的油/黄面当午餐。原因无它，因为那油面炒得很像伊面，然后我又很想很想吃伊面。。。

结果吃午餐时。。天啊。。吃的好辛苦啊。。吃油面永远都让我在吃东西时有很大的压力。。感觉好像永远都吃不完一样。。

吃着吃着，突然有感而发。伊面是伊面，油面是油面。就算油面被煮得看起来很像油面，但是油面始终不是伊面。虽然看起来很像伊面令人很想吃，但是咬下去了才发现。。啊。。好难吃。。

所以说，油面是取代不了伊面的，哪怕它看起来有多像伊面。这就像我们生命中的有些人，是不能被取代的。就算很相似，但是每个人都是特别的。。如果勉强去接受，到最后，也许就像吃油面般。。辛苦。可是，就算是这样，还是有很多人会因为不想改变现状，又或者是因为再也回不了头，而继续啃下那油面。。

Of Progesterone and Estrogen

I remember when I was in my year 2 I had human physiology class.One of the lessons was about human reproductive system and we discussed about the female hormones estrogen and progesterone.These two hormones are vital for women health.I remember my lecturer said the rise in level of progesterone is actually plays some role in influencing the attraction of male to female.

Progesterone level rises after menstrual cycle for the preparation of ovulation.As ovulation is the stage where ovum is released,means the female is prepared to receive sperm and get the ovum fertilized. Thus progesterone helps to regulate female`s body conditions,trigger libido.The skin condition will be much more better so ladies,will look more pretty to attract the opposite sex..I found this is so amazing.

And now my works is to deal with sexual behavior.I recalled about this theory from the discussion of the scientists in my company.Progesterone and estrogen DO play a role in attracting opposite sex, at least in most of the cases of my observation,it drives the sexual desire of the male towards female animal as compared to those female WITHOUT progesterone and estrogen injection. Interesting.

So I am thinking about the question for one week (and will continue to think about this! ).The animals can`t see how each other looks like during the experiment  but the male managed to identify the presence of the female animal in his place and the animals manage or at least attempt to mate.This is because the male can smell the something and I suppose the hormones play some roles to enable the male to identify the female? This is considered as the nature ability of animals.

If human beings are not influenced by the external factors like looking for your partner`s face,background,how he or she dress up themselves...By just solely depend on these hormones,will this really help in attracting your partner? We human beings always talk about love..But what makes us to fall in love to someone is always influenced by many factors from our surroundings.We tends to "scan,""screen", then "evaluate" and last "decide" before we found ourselves actually fall in love to someone.The selecting process happens consciously or unconsciously.That`s why we always say that "love is complicated","you don`t know about love". We are blessed by having "love" in mandarin we said 爱情 as a gift.If we really don`t know about love we are just like animals,the guys will smell and sniff the female and then mating and then reproduce the next generation and that is it. The love among a couple makes the final purpose -mating to be so complicated. But mating comprise of many factors as well,like RAPE.This is really OMG.In some cases I saw the female animal refuse to mate,the male will just dominant by sitting on the female and the female will squeak like hell.I feel very pity and want to terminate the experiment in order to save the female but I can`t.Luckily some female manage to reject the male by  give him a big KICK!Ladies,if you don`t want to mate then just give him a KICK!


Can I conclude that progesterone and estrogen are in charge mating while the phenylalanine guides you to attract to your special one? The hormones are really fantastic regulators that influence out live so much,isn`t it? 

"No Physical,No Chemical,No Biological---- (Prof.K.,2011)"