休止符

她，是我中学生涯里的一位影响着我的人物。
她，令我在别人还在享受着单纯的中学生涯是九了解到社会的现实。
在这一点上，她身体力行，活生生就是个样板。
她是第一个让我见识到如何运用说话的方式去影响这一大群人跟着你的套路走。
在毕业很多年后，猛然发现从前的自己也是被洗脑洗得干干净净的其中一个。
虽然如此，却还是打从心里真心的仰慕她的能力。
她为乐团奉献了她心力，而她，也享受到了成功的果实。
她为了不让我们再经验上落后与对手，两次为乐团争取到了到欧洲表演的机会。
她为了要把乐团推向另一个高峰，为我们争取到了最顶尖的教练。
乐团如今由此成就，除了队员们用金钱堆积起来的原因之外，她功不可没。
今天，她即将荣休，结束长达几十年的教学生涯。
而她教学生涯最辉煌的一页，就是把铜乐队推上一个高峰。
百感交集。
这几年在外头，乐队早已淡出了我的生活。
如今。她即将离开。
仿佛，我少年时期视为一切，很爱很爱的乐队，也即将永远的离开我的生活。
而我却不想去回忆那里头包含的太多太多伤害，那些至今仍然影响着我性格，行事作风的伤害。

Sarawakian

What first come in your mind when you hear people mention about "Sarawakian" ?
I bet most of those from peninsular Malaysia will say Sarawakians are "shy,do not talk much,less able to fight for what they want,less efficient in completing tasks, less ability to survive/work under stress and competitions".

When you listen to the radio station, they tends to give the listeners an impression that Sarawak is a place covered with jungle.The insects and monkey,orang utan intimation are not fun! Sadly, some of the people from Peninsular are never been to Sarawak and they still think that foreign land at the other side of South East China see is a naive land.

I have to say that due to corruptions, it is true that Sarawak is less developed as compared to Peninsular,regardless to the infrastructure,economy,exposure to latest information.There`s still a very long way to reach the same level as peninsular Malaysia.

I feel unfair and sad when listening to people`s impression on my homeland. Sometimes I will even blame myself for the family education that I`ve received,but realized that I can`t blame to my family and the environment that I`ve grown up.The elders are born and raised in the way of living for few generations, of cause they will pass to us what they think is the best. But after 5 years in Penang , I can see how my friends here different from my friends in my home town. For instance is the way they solve a problem. Instead of panic like some Sarawakians do,their first respond is always to find a solution to settle the difficulties in the shortest time.

I was being commented (by no offend) by the cbcorp hr manager who thinks that I am like the Sarawakians he met before.Shy,quiet,does not talk much,does not know to bring out the good side of myself and he is worrying about me. I was very hurt,not only about the weakness in myself but also his impression on Sarawakians. I was just a fresh graduate who has high passionate to start my career in a laboratory, what I know since my first day of school was,studies hard and scores with a flying color can guarantee a bright future.The education that I`ve received was emphasize on exams,like scoring high marks determines all. I was struggling to achieve this throughout the years.That is another long story. My uncle said I am not good in communicating, I was trying over the years but those bastards from brass band have stepped my confidence down and until today,I am still working hard to build up the self confidence. I was so scared that people will ignore me for not doing good,but when people do,I do not know how to handle the situation.


Working in another city also makes me to always force myself to perform the best.People tend to compare we,the Sarawakians and their own people on the job efficiency and how competitive we are. I did not think this is a bad thing, the first positive thing about this is I will always work to improving myself. I don`t know how long I can sustain. I am very satisfied with current job and company,but don`t know why,I always feel the "unsafe" deep in my heart. I always thinking of taking leave and travel to somewhere like Cameron Highlands or some islands.I know I need a break,I have to leave my work for a few days but I have no idea when is the best timing to take leave.

Phew.Being a Sarawakian.

I hate B******c*rp !

Went to a seminar today.
Was actually helped up in this exhibition on the first day of the seminar and feel it`s worth to go so I ask my friends to join me today.
The exhibition was a very small one but I feel like their booth presentation is very informative except that ($*&# B******c*rp.
I`m not sure if it`s an appropriate thing to mention that my friend is working there.But the way that the cb malay respond to us makes me feel very insulted.
He said "Oh, so I can see the next question will be ask for a job in the company"
Feel humiliated.
I did not mean to try to build relation in order to get the job as I will never work in a cheater organization. Even if he begs me to work under his organization I would also reject without any hesitation.
In addition,I am very happy with my current job as a scientist.
I should have replied him that I will just directly approach to his HR instead of use my friend`s name to seek for a chance to work in that bulls*it company.But I did not.I was not good in defending myself when being humiliated.
That`s why I was bullied by my fellow band members during my secondary school times.

Sorry to say that.
But I think it`s way too hard to change my opinion on that organization.
From that training programme till the short conversation with that arrogant ignorant a**hole today,seriously it makes me hate that organization so so so much.
Bunch of ignorant arrogant swine who do not know about biotech and science.

NAH!

一组数字

当你赋予一组数字一个寄托，那么对你来说，它就显得特别有意义。
这组数字，从此有了生命，因为开始有人用自己的心情去灌溉它。
你总会在车来车往中，又或者，任何有数字的地方去寻找那组数字。
曾经，看到那一组数字兴奋的感觉，
但伴随而来的是，更多的失落。
就好比满怀喜悦的去拆开一份礼物，可打开来后才知道，原来只不过是个空盒子。

时间的流逝会改变人们的际遇。
而那一组曾经代表思念与回忆的数字，
原来，在经过了好多好多年后，
对你而言，它就只是一排看来熟悉的数字，除此之外，别无他意。

每一天经过那个挂着一堆曾经很熟悉的数字的车子，也无动于衷。
就连一点点地悸动的感觉也没有。
只有当在报纸上看见那组数字登上万字二奖宝座，
才会在那里捶心肝。。怎么会没想到要去买这号码？

曾经以为的最好，原来就只是这样子。
就只是这样。


我好像又失去了些什么了。

你们。不配

谈外表，我输人一等。
谈能力，我输人一等。
谈交际，对不起，我鞭长莫及。

要或得精彩漂亮惹人怜爱，还真不容易。
好吧。我认了。

不过，若干年后，
我要你们看到你们的不配。